It is 08.03 am. Im still in bed next to a sleeping toddler. Little C was made IVF style and after the nurses had painfully extracted 8 eggs from my womb and just before the nice doctor man disappeared to mix up my eggs with hubby’s love juice, I told him we wanted to order the Deluxe Baby 1.0. He gave us – tadaaa – a baby that is just as big a sleepyhead as her parents. Well done, Doc!
She fuzzes and I turn slightly and she sleep crawls into my arms. I place a gentle kiss on her forehead. I love her so much my heart aches.
She is 15 months old and last night was the first time EVER some one babysat her. The first time she was without her mother AND her father for more than 5 minutes. Oh the horror! And the agony. During the hours leading up to it I wanted to cancel a million times!
We had nothing special planned. In fact we were just going training. We both do martial arts and hubby had been wanting to train together again for some time now. My mum had been bugging me to let her babysit for quite some time. So there we were. My brother is home for a week and wants to spend as much time with his niece as possible so I asked the two of them to come over while I, hubby and my dad went to train.
Was it fun? For me – no. Absolutely not. And I don’t need to do it again for a long time. But – and this is a big but – my husband was thrilled we got to train together, my mum and brother was stoked to spend a couple of hours playing with Chloe and, alas, Chloe hadn’t even noticed I was gone 😂
How was your first time away from your little one?
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Chloe Emily was born at home at 8.20 am on a beautiful January morning. It was snowing. I was exhausted, but wide awake. She was beautiful. My husband was so proud. After an hour and Chloe’s first little feed is went to take a shower. I made hubby strip his shirt and give her skin-to-skin contact. I took a fairly long shower and when I came back out they hadn’t moved and inch! She was asleep on his chest. He was uncomfortable, but didn’t dare move. His eyes were full of unshed tears. He was so proud.
When I became pregnant I had never heard the term ‘co-sleeping’ before. I just knew our little baby girl was going to sleep in our bed. In my arms and on my chest. I just knew. Just like I knew I was going to carry her in a wrap, keep her close. Close enough to always be able to kiss her little head and inhale her sweet baby scent. She spent nearly every minute of the day in that wrap – either with me or with her Daddy. She craved the closeness and she slept a lot. Keeping her close just felt right. It felt natural. Even now at nearly 15 months she still spends time in the wrap nearly every day. We don’t own a stroller and the pram has long since been sold.
We kept her close. We responded to her every need, her every cry, her every cue. We took a lot of heat for our way of doing things. We were cuddling her too much, spoiling her, giving her too much love (!), making her dependent on us. She was 4 weeks old. On the inside I wavered, on the inside I cried. On the outside I stood fast. I did not waver. I knew we were doing what was right for our little girl. I held my ground. Alone, I cried.
I didn’t know the term ‘attachment parenting’. Chloe was 6 months old when I learnt of this type of parenting. When I researched it and joined a Facebook group it felt like coming home.
To be continued…
So I’m a freshly hatched vegetarian – or actually I’m a pescetarian as I still eat fish. I’ve been working towards it since I was a teenager and with the birth of Chloe it seemed like the time. She inspired me so to speak to finally walk the talk. I had planned on working up to being completely meat free little by little, but suddenly a week after having made the decision I realised that I hadn’t had any meat in 6 days. Easy peasy! Hubby hasn’t eaten cow or pig in like 25 years, but still eats chicken and fish. Chloe eats anything that’s put in front of her. I don’t want to make her a vegetarian, because honestly food – all food – is amazing and I want her experience life with all its wonderful tastes and smells. I just make sure they eat organic and free range.
This newfound pescetarianisme (is that a word? It is now) has brought a lot of new questions though and one of them is of a rather surprising nature. It so happened that we were at an Easter brunch with the family yesterday and we started talking about taking a trip to a big safari park this Summer. ‘Oooh!’ I thought. Chloe would love the animals. But then I started thinking: Do people who don’t eat meat out of animal welfare reasons go to the zoo – a place where wild animals are being held captive? I couldn’t find an answer. Personal beliefs versus Chloe’s lit up cute little face when she sees all the animals?
What is your opinion?
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Let it gooooo! I love Frozen! Well, I love Olaf the snowman. Chloe has these cute little Olaf suits that my seamstress friend makes. Adorable! Anyway, this is about letting go. Letting go of all the expectations and guilt. You know, those guilty feelings that come sneaking when you don’t get around to doing the laundry or when you’d rather lie on the couch and watch Netflix than wash the floor.
I nap with Chloe almost every day. Well, she naps ON me that is. Sometimes I watch a movie, sometimes I read a book, sometimes (most often) I just Facebook and read blogs. Sometimes I do all the above at once. Sometimes I just sleep too. I LOVE those 2-3 hours a day where she just cuddles in my arms. I love watching her sleep. But sometimes I feel guilty. I hear that nagging little voice in the back of my mind go “you really should do the laundry. And clean the bathroom. And do yoga. And and and..” A gazillion other things. Bleh. Then I stumbled upon something the other day and it completely blew my mind!
Instead of saying “I don’t have time”, just admit that it’s not a priority! I totally should do the laundry and for sure I have the time – it’s just not a priority. I just really don’t want to. I would rather lie here with my bub and catch up on the latest Kardashian news, watch TWD or maybe just close my eyes for an hour or two. And it’s totally okay! Shifting my thoughts from “I don’t have the time” or “I should do this or that” to “I do have the time, but it’s just not a priority right now” has really set me free. I now enjoy our hours on the couch – stress free. Everything always gets done eventually anyway.
Love and stress free thoughts,